


Green Around the Gills

by Czaritsa (RomaStache)



Series: Red Velvet Reel [9]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Iatrophobia (Fear of Doctors) implied, M/M, Slice of Life, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Undyne (Undertale), lots of headcanons, monster pregnancy, no your typical healthtests!, pseudo magic-science, skelepreg, videogame logistics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-12-31 22:17:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18323051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomaStache/pseuds/Czaritsa
Summary: Stretch has never been much of a jock, but Pancake is giving him quite the workout with these sharp highs and lows of the parentMOOD. He’s really looking forward to seeing Dr. Undyne and getting these pesky moodswings under control.Too bad Dyna isn’t going to give him much of a break either. There are too many tests to be done, magic levels to be measured, and limits to reach! Green means go, after all, and if Stretch wants a reprieve… he’s got to work for it! (And Edge and Pancake, too! And her machines! And even her! Everyone’s gotta work! A doctor’s work is never done!)





	1. Chlorodynamometer

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long delay! I really appreciate everyone sticking through with me though! Y'all are the best! <3 
> 
> Not satisfied with the name yet. :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y me inyectaron suero de colores, ey // And they injected me with a rainbow serum  
> Y me sacaron la radiografía // And they took all my x-rays  
> Y me diagnosticaron mal de amores // And they diagnosed me with lovesickness  
> Al ver mi corazón como latía // When they saw how fast my heart was beating
> 
> Juan Luis Guerra, "Me Sube la Bilirrubina"

When Stretch called Undyne up about Edge’s upcoming checkup, casually mentioning his own parentMOOD symptoms, she insisted he get a checkup, too. Well, that was what he had _assumed_ when she started talking about ‘health tests.’  
  
  
He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but being in a big gym was not it. That was probably the _last_ thing on his list. He toyed with the net stretching across the court absently, watching it sway as he plucked at the holes.  
  
  
“You have a deep, dark desire to be a gym teacher or something, Dyna?” Stretch peered up at the ceiling that stretched (heh) so far up it faded into darkness. It reminded him of the Underground.  
  
  
“Hah!” Undyne’s voice was muffled as she was literally elbow-deep in a big box cage, rooting around for something. “It’s easier to perform these kinds of tests in this kind of environment!” Her tail thwacked against the side, “We need **a lot** of room, and it’s way less intimidating this way!”  
  
  
Stretch glanced at Edge discreetly, who had his arms crossed tightly over his chest as he watched Undyne’s every movement. Less intimidating, right. His hubby didn’t handle surprises well, and the poor guy was obviously stressing over if this was the good or bad kind. It was a struggle not to go over to try comforting him, but Stretch also knew that probably wouldn’t help very much.  
  
  
Discreetly massaging his chest, willing that weird nervous tension and need to comfort away geez Pancake _calm down_ \- he jumped when Undyne popped up with a successful cheer and… what looked like a large white beachball. Huh.  
  
  
“Ok!” She came over with it tucked under her arm like a regular old ball, a shiny silver whistle around her neck. She held it up with a terrifying grin. “Are you ready for your tests?!”  
  
  
“Test- ** _SSS_**?!” Stretch repeated with extra emphasis, ducking under the net to put a literal barrier between them, “As in, more than one?!”  
  
  
When she just smiled at him, he kept backing up, hands held up in obvious surrender. “I’d just like to remind you that sports aren’t my thing! We _both_ know I wouldn’t have passed Mr. Bear’s mile run if you hadn’t literally dragged me behind you!“  
  
  
This was a silly thing to get worked up about, but the sudden onslaught of gym class memories left him feeling incredibly nervous. “Do I get graded on my aim or physical dexterity?!” Stretch was almost to the very edge of the court, standing on the last circle in the very end of the line, hugging himself in growing agitation, “I can’t fail, can I?! What happens if I fail?!”  
  
  
“Nope!” Undyne bopped the ball over the net with more than enough force to reach him, and he threw his hands up defensively, cringing. He was very pleasantly surprised when the ball drifted to his fingers, lightly and painlessly. “This is _all_ about your magic! Even _you_ should be able to catch it every time, Butterfingers!”  
  
  
Edge smiled a little bit at that, clearly amused, but it fell quickly enough. He was obviously wary of that ball, especially when Undyne beckoned him over. “Please stand _here_ , Sir! On the line!”  
  
  
Reluctantly and slowly, Edge made his was over to the general area while very obviously checking for tripwires and hidden switches. He was also very careful to avoid standing directly where she indicated, as though afraid it was a trapdoor.  
  
  
“Why?” Edge asked casually, although he couldn’t keep himself from shifting restlessly, “What **_is_** this?” A little bit of a whine filtered in there before he could get a hold of himself, bless his heart- “What is **_that?_** _Why_ are we **_here_**?”  
  
  
“This is one of our testing and rehabilitation facilities!” Undyne either didn’t notice or care, throwing her arms out to gesture at the whole gym, “Medical-Magic, sometimes called Magicine, isn’t an _exact_ science-“  
  
  
“Yes it is!” Stretch interrupted loudly, finally making it close enough he could pass the ball back. If he didn’t need to use it right away, might as well pass it back and save Edge a little extra stress. “You _literally_ have a diagnostic machine! I’ve helped calibrate it-“  
  
  
“SO SOMETIMES WE NEED A LITTLE EXTRA SPACE!” Undyne just spoke over him. _Rude._ “Monsters can show us the problem in action, leading to better and more accurate diagnoses, and more targeted rehabilitation programs!”  
  
  
She made a jagged lightning bolt in her hand, crackling with raw energy- Edge tensed immediately, quickly looking around the gym for the nearest exits “During their second quarter,  a Souling builds up their internal magical reserves and therefore needs _a lot_ more magic!” Was Undyne really that oblivious, or was he just that good at reading his husband? Was this the parentMOOD making him extra aware?? “The Souling’s need **_way_** more magic than the pregnant monster can handle on their own- it’s biologically **_impossible_** to meet the Souling’s needs and your own body’s needs without outside help!”  
  
  
Undyne shattered the spear in a theatrical shower of magical dust, “Single monster parents fill the magic deficit with extra sleep, food, and base magic supplements.” At least Edge relaxed _marginally_ now that the attack was gone.  
  
  
“ ** _You-_** “ She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, pointing at Stretch, “You get Paps! He’ll supplement Pancake’s needs with green magic!”  
  
  
Edge didn’t look the least bit impressed, “ _How?_ My husband has low HP _and_ low stamina-“  
  
  
**_Ouch._** Stretch felt a sharp twinge of hurt, pointedly turning away with a huff. ParentMOOD or not, that was just plain hurtful. He wasn’t _that_ unreliable a guy was he?  
  
  
“Yes, he has high magical reserves, _but-_ “ The sharp sting of betrayal was quickly replaced with proud pleasure. Heck yeah he did! “Will it be okay?” Awww, Edge was just worried about him? How sweet~ Stretch didn’t even realize he had been swaying until he felt Undyne’s curious gaze on him.  
  
  
“Of course!” Dyna looked between them in confusion, as though she wasn’t sure what was going on, “This happens in all monster pregnancies, regardless of species and primary magic type! You’re biologically equipped to handle this, Sir! You’ll feel much better once you start getting green magic doses. In fact, you won’t be as tired or sleepy anymore!”  
  
  
“Not me!” Edge hissed through gritted teeth, looking annoyed despite that excellent news, “Him!”  
  
  
“Oh! Yeah! Actually, _he’ll_ be a lot better off, too!” Undyne’s smile stretched even wider, “ParentMOOD symptoms become **_especially_** acute when the Souling starts needing green magic doses. It’s Pancake’s way of saying, ‘I need more magic, please!’ since they can’t give you any other signs yet!”  
  
  
Yet? What did she mean by yet? How else was Pancake going to sign- er, signal their needs to them? It seemed like he forgot everything he ever knew about monster reproduction in that moment. What was going to happen to them? Could they handle everything Pancake was going to throw at them?!  
  
  
“The magic and biology behind the parentMOOD is actually fascinating!” Undyne had that little excited twinkle in her eye, which meant they were in for a lecture, “So, when they enter the second quarter, the Souling communicates their need for more green magic to their non-pregnant parent through their soul connection. The non-pregnant parent’s Soul slowly begins producing more overall magic to accommodate this need, but usually extra magic is uncomfortable and monster’s just want to get rid of it, right?!”  
  
  
Too excited to wait for an answer, she gestured with her hands enthusiastically, “Well, green magic is associated with kindness, as you know, so it has a ‘kind’ effect on the parent monster’s Soul! It’s especially bad in monster’s whose core magic type is kindness, but regardless, these monster parents feel an overwhelming need to help and _do_ something! Since their Soul knows the cue came from the Souling, they unconsciously want to help them, usually resulting in a lot of fussing over the pregnant parent! This involves making sure the pregnant parent is happy and comfortable, of course, so they are more aware of their partner’s moods and body language-”  
  
  
Wow, this explained so much! Maybe he should start taking notes? He glanced at Edge, but his husband just looked… bored. Huh. “But it also involves carefully evaluating their own capabilities and behaviors, and this self-evaluation is actually what triggers the mood swings because-”  
  
  
Edge held his hand up to get her to stop, massaging his forehead like it hurt, “So, if my husband starts doing green magic, he’ll go back to normal?”  
  
  
“Um, yes,” Undyne’s fins flapped against the side of her head, looking embarrassed at having rambled for so long,  “But only until the next time Pancake needs green magic. I’m sure you’ve already accessed the Pregnancy HUD, and seen the locked icons underneath the Souling’s load bar, right? Pregnant parents and non-pregnants parents have different essential functions that are facilitated by these apps, and Stretch has the Green Magic Monitor that lets him know when the Souling needs more magic. As long as he checks that, and configures it for external notifications, it shouldn’t get as bad again-”  
  
  
“Yes, perfect!” Edge cut her off again, looking positively _delighted_ as he moved to stand directly on the line. He crossed his arms and smiled at her,  “Let’s start **now** , Doctor.”  
  
  
Stretch couldn’t help a bitter sigh, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want these mood swings to end, too. Fussing over Edge and Pancake 24/7 was way too much work.  
  
  
“Um! Well!” Undyne looked down at the floor, face steadily darkening in a growing blush, “You, uh, stand there! Like that! And um, h-he stands there-!”  
  
  
Heh, this was probably the first time she had seen Edge smile and didn’t know how to deal with it. She was so _funny-_ he was gonna tease her about this _so much_ later!  
  
  
“Well, um, the ball, too! It’s a volleyball!” She held it up with shaking hands, now looking at the ceiling as if wishing it would swallow her up, “Kinda! It’s, um, really a measurer! Um-”  
  
  
She was so awkward it was physically painful, and Stretch's Soul _buzzed_ with second hand embarrassment. “C’mon, Dyna!” He cheered for her, pumping his fist in the air with a lot more enthusiasm than he felt, “You got this! Your patients- all of us in some capacity today- are counting on you!”  
  
  
Like every other time, the knowledge that she needed to be confident and competent had her all fired up. “Yeah!” Dyna hopped on top of the ball cage, tail thumping against it loudly as she barely regained her balance.  
  
  
“This is a Magic Diagnosticator, shaped like a beach volleyball!” She held it up again, like she hadn’t been waving it around this entire time, “We’re going to use this to measure Stretch’s ability to _give_ green magic, and Edge’s ability to _receive_ green magic!”  
  
  
She transferred it to one hand, holding it high above her head, “Pap’s going to tap on the volleyball with both hands, concentrating green magic at his fingertips.” The section of the ball started to turn green where her thumb was resting against it, spreading upwards like a load bar. “As you can see, it’s gonna make one of these slices green! I need you to fill the whole slice, ok? Try to pace yourself though. Charge a little, toss it up, and then charge some more when it comes down.”  
  
  
She tossed Stretch the ball again, and it drifted to his fingertips as gently as before. Phew.  
  
  
Undyne held up something metallic, “Mr. Edge, I need you to wear this... little bracelet thingy!” It was hardly a bracelet- more like a full arm gauntlet, with a weird rectangle face made entirely of buttons. It was kinda noodley, too. So Stretch couldn’t for the life of him understand why Edge’s expression softened into __fondness.  
  
  
“What is it?” He asked Undyne since Edge was just staring at it, turning it over in his hands as though examining every detail, “Did you borrow this from the royal guard? Or break into the Queen’s wardrobe?”  
  
  
“Allie designed and built it herself!” Ah, that would explain why it was so **_ugly_**. Hotland designers had **_terrible_** taste! He couldn’t believe Edge was willing to put such an eyesore on without complaint! “It’s a sensor! It connects to my screen over there!” She pointed to some large looking computer off to the side of the court he hadn’t noticed before. Which was extra weird since it was up on a platform and everything.  
  
  
“It lets me see how your body is taking the green magic, Sir!” Undyne pointed to those buttons, and down to a little screen, “It’ll make a little noise when you meet a green magic milestone, and then it’ll change colors! The first color is green, so make sure to choose the foods that correspond with the magic color that is displayed on that screen, okay? You get points if it’s right and lose points if it’s wrong. Oh! I need to warn you: receiving too much foreign magic too fast can make some monsters a little dizzy, so let me know if you don’t feel well!”  
  
  
Quick as a flash, she scrambled up the ladder onto her computer platform (heh) and started typing something in the keyboard, “Are you guys ready?!” She pushed the whistle into her mouth, trying to speak around it with varying success, “ Ven I bro dis, you __stat!”  
  
  
“Wait, Dyna-!” Stretch looked between her and Edge helplessly, “What do you mean ‘choose the foods,’ huh? What is he supposed to-?!”  
  
  
The sharp, piercing whistle reverberated throughout the gym, before all the lights went off. The first few notes of a melody started to play before only the light above him came back on like a spotlight. Yeah, she had definitely set this test up as a minigame-  
  
  
“What are you waiting for, Slowpoke?!” The words ‘HURRY UP!’ suddenly appeared above his head, and the music picked up in earnest.  
  
  
Oh, shit, fuck- Stretch fumbled with the volleyball, just able to avoid dropping it. Just as instructed however, he started concentrating magic on his fingertips, bouncing the ball up when it felt like they were going numb.  
  
  
“Didn’t you say pace myself?!” He huffed, squinting as a too bright light shone directly in his face. Even with his less than stellar handling of the ball, it bounced off of the boundaries of the spotlight and gravitated back to his hands. That was actually super ingenious, and not half-bad compared to the minigames and puzzles she put him through in highschool, but a little bit of a _warning_ would have been nice.  
  
  
“Edge’s minigame isn’t too strenuous, is it?” Stretch asked nervously, still feeling the lingering concern of the parentMOOD. Releasing green magic helped a lot, but he obviously had more pent up than he could get out in, uh, 5 bounces. 6 bounces. “You’re not putting him through anything dangerous with lasers or anything, are-?“  
  
  
“He’s _fine_ , you big worry wart! And I’m not going to make him do anything dangerous- I’m a _doctor!”_ Dyna called out cheerfully, as something started to whirr outside the bounds of the light in Edge’s direction, “You should worry about yourself!”  
  
  
“What?!” His whole body tensed in nervous anticipation, trying to keep tossing the ball up and down while squinting into the darkness,”Why?! What’s coming at me? What do you want me to do?!”  
  
  
“Your ball is almost filled up with green energy, so you need to toss it over the net to Edge, duh!” Dyna was still a disembodied voice beyond the edge of the light, but the rest of the dim gym came into focus, “I have you and Edge doing your own mini games-“ AHA! He _knew_ his actions and movement area seemed more limited than it should have been! “But I’ll pause them and expand your movement radius so you can toss it over the net to him!”  
  
  
Just as he threw the ball up again, the spotlight narrowing his movements disappeared and the ball went up a lot higher than it was supposed to-Ack! Stretch ran after it, fumbling to catch it.  
  
  
“Come on!” Undyne called out, half-hanging over the railing and banging on pipe loudly, “I know you’re no jock, but this is just _sad_ , Pap!”  
  
  
“I was always more of a cheerleader!” he grumbled loudly, refusing to run and instead (very pointedly) walking towards the net where Edge was waiting for him. His husband didn’t look too bad- a little out of breath like he’d been running around some, but otherwise fine and amost content. He seemed to be enjoying whatever little minigame Undyne had set up for him, if all the torn ‘paper’ on the ground was any indication. It’d probably disappear when this was all over.  
  
  
“How’re you doing, Sweetheart?” Stretch asked casually, bopping the ball over to the other side of the court. Unfortunately, he was still a lousy athlete, so it grazed the net and went too far left, but Edge still managed to catch it. “Undyne running you as hard as she’s running me?”  
  
  
“Tch. As if anything could make _you_ run, lazybones,” Edge held the ball in both hands, arms unnaturally stiff despite the casual tone, and the arm-sleeve made a little beep. Then, the ball began to __glow.  
  
  
“Eh-“ Although he didn’t look too sure about the light show in his hands, Edge held onto the ball tightly. The color drained out of the ball and into his body, the green slice depleting until the ball was completely white again. The robotic sleeve on his arm gave a fun little jingle, before the buttons went from green to yellow.  
  
  
“Great! Your body handled that beautifully!” Undyne cheered, moving a dial and hitting some more buttons, “Now, toss it back to Stretch! This time we’re kicking it up to _two_ slices!”  
  
  
**_“Two?!”_** Just thinking about it filled Stretch with a heavy sense of exhaustion, and he made no move to catch the ball being thrown at him. The weird magic-gravity ended up pulling it to his hands, resting against his knuckles, and even if he wanted to drop it he wasn’t sure how. But his spotlight came back on and the minigame resumed, so like a responsible parent-to-be he started up again. Toss up, give magic, repeat. But he wasn’t going to do this __quietly.  
  
  
“Why are we even doing this? What does this accomplish?” He groused, scowling at the ball as he caught it with his fingers again and again. “What is Edge doing? How long are we going to do this?”  
  
  
Dyna, well-used to his gym class whining, answered him patiently, “You’re learning how to give Pancake the green magic **_they_** need to give you the chill **_you_** need.”  
  
  
There was a brief flare of irritation, but it wasn’t anywhere as acute or prolonged as his previous mood swings. Maybe... this actually _was_ helping. Hmmm.  
  
  
“And Edge is learning how to identify foods according to their base magic types, in preparation of the PICPE that’ll start up shortly after the first green magic dose.” He couldn’t see her with the full minigame running, but in his mind’s eye, Dyna was calibrating the machine, before leaning over the railing. “You’re _almost_ done with that second slice! Given green magic gets a lot faster after the first time as your body gets more used to it! Hurry it up and then toss it back to Edge!”  
  
  
“Okay, fine,” Stretch tossed the ball up again, mentally calculating that another two doses should probably do it, “But _how_ many more times do we need to do this?”  
  
  
“At least another five,” Undyne answered him casually, suddenly appearing in his line of sight as the minigame was switched off, hand on some sort of lever, “That way Edge has a chance to hit all the core magic types, and you have plenty of experience in pacing yourself during a green magic session-“  
  
  
**_“Five more times?!”_** Stretch wasn’t sure he was going to last for another _one_! He dragged his feet to the net, too tired to make any comment about how energized Edge seemed to be. He barely managed to get it over the net this time, resting his hands on his knees, “You want me to do this __five more times?!”  
  
  
“The ideal is actually ten-“ Undyne was cut off by a long, drawn out groan as Stretch just raised his hand. The ball drifted to his fingertips effortlessly, and he trudged his way back to his spot, waiting for his minigame to start back up again with resigned acceptance.  
  
  
“Why? Is this too _easy_ for you?!”  
  
  
_Oh no_. He recognized that tone of voice too well, looking up sharply just in time to see Dyna _yank_ on a chain. Stretch was quickly trapped in the same spotlight again, but this time something clicked above his head.  
  
  
“Ok, now that you know how this works...” He could picture her grin perfectly, large and sharp and _so bad for him,_ “Let’s kick is up a notch! Time for a vision test!”  
  
  
White and green balloons started falling from the ceiling quickly, the same size as his volleyball, bursting in a shower of magic as they hit the ground... and each other. Why were there so many of them?! It was so hard to see through all these balloons and the magic!  
  
  
“I’m turning off the magic magnetism of the disgnosticator- don’t drop it now!” Undyne sounded so happy, he could hear her tail wagging against the metal over the cheery minigame music, “You get these next two rounds to practice, but then I’m gonna add a timer- you’re gonna get a shock if you don’t finish it in time! And after that I’m gonna put lasers! Blue and orange- you better move those feet or you’re gonna get zapped! And after that, oh boy, it a pattern game!”  
  
  
Ugh. Stretch just __had to open his big, fat mouth, didn’t he?


	2. Hyperchlorocrinism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First she says Pancake doesn't have enough green magic, now she's saying they have too much! Edge is getting very, very tired of all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oye, y me trastearon hasta el alma // Listen, they even flushed my with my soul  
> Con rayos equis y cirugía // With x rays and surgeries  
> Y es que la ciencia no funciona // And science just isn’t working  
> Sólo tus besos, vida mía // Only your kisses, my love
> 
> Juan Luis Guerra, "Me Sube la Bilirrubina"
> 
> Chapter Warnings/Features:  
> So much pseudo-magic-science fudging of videogame game aspects and a lot of headcanons, Discussions on Edge's health and stats, including (very) brief musings about childhood & other causes, Iatrophobia (Fear of Doctors) and implied medical malpractice.

 

They only finished when Undyne finally called out stop, a confused and worried warble to her tone. Stretch was too tired to keep standing by that point, and let himself collapse. The floor was so nice and cool, just on the edge of sleep when he felt the very jarring sensation of a CHECK. Just enough to keep him blearily awake, but only for a little bit more. That CHECK must not have revealed anything too bad, because his husband wasn’t freaking out or anything.  
  
  
“This floor is _filthy,”_ Edge told him softly, kneeling next to him and sitting him up like a rag doll. When it was clear that Stretch wouldn’t stay upright without assistance, he propped him up against his chest. __“Papí?”  
  
  
As tired as he was, Stretch managed a weak nod to let his husband know he wasn’t gonna keel over immediately. He wasn’t sure he was going to last the rest of the quarter if this kept up, though. Pancake was __relentless.  
  
  
“Is this normal?” Still not reassured, Edge turned his attention on Undyne, who was taking her sweet time climbing down that ladder. Like she was deep in thought and kind of troubled over something.  
  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
  
“What were you thinking!?” Edge couldn’t quite clamp down on his accusatory tone, “You _know_ his low hp makes these kinds of tests difficult for him! He’s not good at-“  
  
  
“He’s fine!” Undyne squatted down right in front of Stretch, looking pleased at his exhaustion, “He’s just being a big baby! You should have seen him when we were in gym class back in the day- I had to carry him to our next period all of sophomore and senior year!”  
  
  
Her face fell into a worried grimace, “But what about **_you?_** You feel _fine_?!”  
  
  
“Yes?” Edge glanced between her and Stretch, sounding confused, “I was being active, but I received green magic, too, so I’m fine.”  
  
  
“That’s...” Dyna ran a hand through her ‘hair,’ dragging the fin over her eye in obvious consternation, “That’s not exactly _true_ , though! This isn’t _supposed_ to happen! But I was monitoring your progress, and Pancake was absorbing all of the green magic they needed! So it’s working well and the baby will be fine!” She sounded frustrated despite the reassurance, “So this actually **isn’t** a problem!”  
  
  
“Then why are you agonizing?” Edge’s deadpan was always hilarious, too bad Stretch was literally passing out or he would have laughed. With a sigh, his husband opened up his inventory, “I’m going to give him-“  
  
  
“No, you can’t!” Dyna grabbed Stretch quickly, hefting him over her shoulder like a bag of potatoes, “Pancake _needs_ green magic at this point in their development! And you _need_ to have a surplus of green magic to maintain them and yourself! So you don’t have any green magic to spare!”  
  
  
“Food!” Edge finished loudly, but Dyna was already sprinting back to the ladder and trying to climb it one handed. He stood up with a sigh, dusting his pants off as he watched her struggle with the eighth wrung. “What are you doing?! __No seas cojuda!”  
  
  
“Like I said, he’ll be fine, don’t worry! _I’ll_ take care of him!” She started using her teeth in a fit of desperation, which helped her climb but also looked incredibly uncomfortable. “I have some protein bars Allie gave me up here!”  
  
  
Edge crossed his arms, watching her climb with quiet aggravation. She was just as bad as his Undyne- acting without thinking and making things more difficult for her and everyone involved. And this time, he couldn’t even use blue magic to make sure she wouldn’t accidentally dust herself and his husband. It really wasn’t something to smile about, but it was hard to resist with such fond memories coming back to him.  
  
  
Somehow, Dyna managed to make it to the top without ripping all her teeth out, quickly scrambling onto the platform. “Okay!” She ran over to the monitor without putting Stretch down, grabbing a box that had been sitting off to the side. Shaking a protein bar out, she ripped it open with her teeth before unceremoniously forcing Stretch’s mouth open... and just tossing it in. “Now you’re fine! Wake up!”  
  
  
“I could have choked, you know!” Stretch had literally conked out earlier, but that sudden rush of green magic was enough to wake anyone up. “You shouldn’t try to feed sleeping people! ...right?” Wasn’t she the one who told him that?  
  
  
“You would have been _fine,”_ Dyna literally waved him off, turning back to the monitor to squint at the results, “Monsters absorb and process food magic so quickly, we don’t technically _need_ to chew it. That’s just manners! Besides, I’m a doctor! My job is to **_not_** kill you!”  
  
  
Well. Stretch didn’t have lips to purse, but he could glare at her back disapprovingly at least. He looked at the screen too, discreetly looking at his score- eh, not the highest one ever, but not too shabby either. Edge had a higher score for his minigame, but that was to be expected. His hubby was super competitive, especially for things that didn’t matter all that much.  
  
  
“Now what- oh moonbeams and moonrocks,” Her ear fins drooped as she slowly made her way to the edge of the platform, “Hey! Uhm, Sir Edge! Sorry about- Huh?”  
  
  
“You don’t need to keep calling me Mister or Sir,” Edge said from right behind her, scaring Undyne so badly she screamed and nearly jumped off the platform. Stretch was actually pretty impressed- it didn’t seem like Pancake’s extra weight threw his husband’s speed or stealth stats off very much, “Just call me Edge.”  
  
  
“Um. Ok. _Edge.”_ Undyne seemed even _more_ alarmed at the loss of formality, pointing at the screen stiffly, “So, like I was telling you, Pancake and you are handling the green magic well. They’re absorbing what they need, and your body isn’t being deprived of its usual green magic but...”  
  
  
She scratched at her head, fin flopping over her forehead as she continued worrying at it, “But then your body is acting like it _needs_ whatever excess magic it can get!” She crossed her arms, looking even more confused, “A healthy adult monster, receiving the proper amount of food and rest for their species and core magic type, shouldn’t _need_ the extra green magic. And you’re receiving enough of that, right?”  
  
  
“Oh yeah,” Stretch nodded solemnly, grunting at the elbow jab to his ribs but continued undeterred, “Especially now that he’s pregnant. If Edge was missing on any sleep, he’s more than made up for it by now-“  
  
  
“Shut _up!”_ Edge hissed, grabbing that one r ** _eally sensitive rib just under the humerus-_** Stretch doubled-over with a squeal, trying to scramble away.  
  
  
“Yes, Doctor,” Edge was perfectly composed, ignoring Stretch’s pleas for mercy, “I’m fine.”  
  
  
“That’s bad! You _shouldn’t_ be fine!” Dyna  pushed her fin back, letting it slowly pass through her fingers and into her face, “A pregnant monster should only want enough green magic to fulfill the _Souling’s_ needs! If you receive any excess magic --   ** _which you have!_** \-- it should-“ The last strand slipped free of her fingers, so she put her hands on her hips instead, “Well, it **_should_** make you feel bad and uncomfortable! Like you want to get rid of it.”  
  
  
Stretch didn’t feel the overwhelming panic of the parentMOOD but there was a soft prickle of concern, “So what does that mean, Dyna? Is he sick or something?“  
  
  
Edge gave him a dark, sidelong look, “ **Don’t** start.”  
  
  
“Well, no! Not that either!” She gestured back to the screen and it’s line graph-bar graph combination with a pie graph that wasn’t quite circle, “Like I said, it’s not harmful- at least, not that I can see! I may need a sample to run a few more test...”  
  
  
Dyna put her hand on the lopsided pie graph, where the red part extend outwards like a wonky lump, “The question is: has your body always functioned this way? Have you always had a deficit of green magic? I was initially thinking it might have been because all the scars and breaks on your bones- they seem very brittle..”  
  
  
Edge crossed his arms, pointedly making eye contact as he replied, flatly, “It heals __stronger.”  
  
  
“Of course!” Poor Dyna agreed immediately, quickly averting her eyes back to the screen, “I, um, I didn’t mean to imply otherwise, of course! And it’s clearly **_not_** that, because even with _so many, many scars_ like you have, it would only need like-” She put her finger at roughly a quarter of the area of the wonky shape. If Undyne just tilted her finger a little bit, it might look like a reuleaux triangle. “This much, at most! Probably less! Which means more than half of it is caused by something else!”  
  
  
Crossing her arms again, she looked up at the darkness extending up to the ceiling, “So what is it? Is it just a side effect of pregnancy, making your stats look strange? Probably a factor, too, but it would only be minor variations if that was the case. Is this indicative of a more serious underlying condition? Unlikely, since my mini Medi didn’t have any abnormal readings.”  
  
  
Dyna tried to smile reassuringly, but it looked more like a grimace, “A chronic condition you’ve had for a while? Possibly, but I’m not sure what if could be…” She closed her eyes, forehead creasing as she focused her thoughts. “Maybe you didn’t get enough green magic as a Souling? Or your nutritional need weren’t fully met when you were still in stripes? Or maybe a childhood illness when you were younger that left irreversible damage? Do any of those scenarios apply to you, Edge?”  
  
  
His husband’s face was perfectly blank, shrugging before replying with no intonation, “I don’t know.”  
  
  
“Huh. Well, I’ll look into it, but it doesn’t _seem_ harmful to the Souling-“ Dyna started to say, before Edge interrupted her.  
  
  
**_“Ya!_** You have repeated yourself ** _too many_** times!” His tone was sharp and annoyed, and Stretch winced sympathetically as his best friend wilted, “I understand! It’s not a problem _yet_! You are going to CHECK it _now_! You are going to make sure it **_stays_** fine!”  
  
  
Stretch gave his husband a reprimanding look, but Edge didn’t look the least bit apologetic. He actually seemed nervous and annoyed, which... fair enough, Stretch supposed. This wasn’t particularly great news. Still didn’t mean Edge could take it out on Dyne, though.  
  
  
“Edge.”  
  
  
Socket twitching, Edge gave him a withering side eye as he grudgingly added, “It’s not good for _Pancake_ if _I_ worry, right?”  
  
  
“No,” Still chastened, Dyna nodded slowly, looking down at her sandals, “Don’t be worried.” She tipped her head forward so that her hair covered her eyes like a screen, picking restlessly at some lose scales at the end of her tail. “It’s even more important for you to stay happy and calm if it _is_ something more serious. Which it probably isn’t! So... stay happy and calm...?”  
  
  
Cringing hard, realizing her reassurance was repetitive and not particularly reassuring, Dyna looked at the edge of the balcony as if that were a quick escape. Stretch had absolutely no doubt she would have leapt off and run away without a scratch, but pulled her into a hug before she could.  
  
  
“Thank you, Dyna-mo,” He crushed her to his chest like a rag doll, knocking their heads together, “You’re the _best_! Looking after us and Pancake like this. We couldn’t ask for a **better, nicer, more talented** ** _and_** **considerate** doctor.” Stretch turned both of them to face Edge, staring as his husband intently, “Isn’t that right?”  
  
  
“...Yes,” Edge agreed with a sigh, “It could be worse. She’s just... _desesperante_!” He rubbed at his knuckles, looking away with furrowed brow bones, “...How much dust do you need? Can it be from anywhere on the body, or...”  
  
  
Edge cleared his throat, standing up to his full height- which was still a little shorter than Undyne, “Does it need to be dust from the SOUL? I can do it- just tell me from where.”  
  
  
Every single time. Stretch would always forget the reasons _why_ his husband was so skittish and aggressive around harmless, sweet Undyne. Always wondering why he struggled to relax and behave for something that was _good_ for him. And then he said little things like that and just...  
  
  
“Dust?” Undyne repeated, leaning on Stretch’s arms with an expression dangerously close to fury, **_“Dust?!_** We haven’t used dust to check a monster’s condition in **_hundreds of years!_** Who the hell-“  
  
  
At least it wasn’t pity. Pity was just gonna set Edge off again, so one box checked, but Undyne on the warpath? For someone she could never find? Also not good. Stretch put her back on her feet before she could finish.  
  
  
“It’s more hands on, right Dyn-Dyn?” He went to go stand by his husband, wiggling his fingers, “A little direct green magic! What do we do to take care of Pancake and Edge? Were in _your_ capable hands, _doctor_.”  
  
  
“Yes!” Still annoyed, but at least her obligation to her patients won over her bloodlust against unethical doctors. For now. “If I can figure out your limit, I can start comparing your stats to the figures of different conditions. _Just_ as a precaution, of course.” She reminded Edge with a smile, before turning to her best friend, “Stretch, put your hands directly on the magic-womb, right over the Souling-“  
  
  
She stopped suddenly, eyes wide as she spun around to grab her chair, “Wait, first, sit down sit down! Both of you, actually, but especially Edge!”  
  
  
“Ok,” Stretch brought the chair closer, pushing his husband into it before settling down on the floor. Although Edge didn’t protest against the manhandling, or say anything about his husband’s bony chin digging into his femur, he was still obviously uncomfortable and wary.  
  
  
Smiling reassuringly, Stretch slipped his hands under the fabric of his husband’s shirt, just enough to get to Pancake while still giving Edge a little privacy. He doubted Dyna even noticed, too busy calibrating her machine, but his husband squeezed his wrist in obvious appreciation.  
  
  
“Now, concentrate green magic directly in your hands- just like with the volleyball!” Dyna looked over her shoulder, pointing to the wonky pie chart on the screen, “Don’t stop until the pie chart hits its limit!”  
  
  
Stretch did as he was told, expecting it to be the same as with the volleyball… except it _wasn’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyperchlorocrinism: Hyper (Extreme or beyond normal) Chloro (green) Crin (Secrete) Ism (Condition)! Self-explanatory, lol.
> 
> Thanks so much for your patience, everyone! <3 I've been busy and kind of stuck on this saga lately, but I'm slowly puzzling my way through! I really appreciate your continued support!!! :D


	3. ViridiConfectum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update! Really struggled with this part, and you can tell the ending is pretty meh, but at least it's over and done with! This part has a lot of headcanons and magical-biological fudging too!
> 
> Thanks for sticking through with me, guys! <3

Stretch wondered at this new feeling, somehow physical and emotional and magical all at the same time.The ectomagic was soft and warm and _alive_ , with an almost separate presence reaching out to take his green magic. Pancake had never seemed like much more than a combination of his and Edge’s magic before. Connected to him, constantly present in his subconscious and magic levels, so were the pedicles on his vertebrae: important and _there_ but not exactly dominating his every little thought. Now, the little Souling _almost_ had its own soul signature. They felt almost like another monster, like he could BATTLE or CHECK them if he really, really tried.  
  
  
Logically, he had always known this. It’s not like the little Souling was just a fashion accessory that was going to rest in Edge’s ectostomach for the rest of time. But...  
  
  
“Omigod, **Edge!** **_It’s them!_** It’s **Pancake!** It’s honest-to-goodness **_Pancake!!“_**   Stretch wasn’t sure what this nervous energy was- Excitement? Dread?- but it had him shaking his husband as best he could from his position, “They’re a real little monster!! I can **_feel_** them!! I can **feel** their **_Soul!!”  
  
  
_** Tilting his head to the side slightly, Edge gave him a confused little smile, clearly pleased by the emotion but not quite understanding it, “Yes?”  
  
  
“...Yeah. Of course. They were always like this. I guess.” Now he felt really dumb. “I mean...” Stretch faltered, trying to keep his thoughts positive and healing to keep up the green magic flow, “Ummm...”  
  
  
“You’re not wrong,” Dyna spoke up absently as she kept her eyes on the screen, hitting a button that put a little ruler on the screen. She was moving it with her keyboard, jotting down numbers on a nearby sticky note as she measured the more stable areas of the pie chart. “The Souling is actively taking your magic right now, so they’re kind of locking onto your Soul. You’re aware of their magic in a way you weren’t before, but they’re not done formatting themselves, which is why they don’t feel like a normal monster would. Not an exact parallel, but it’s sort of like CHECKing a ghost that hasn’t bonded with their body.”  
  
  
Edge shifted uncomfortably at that statement-- Stretch was pretty sure his hubby was kind of freaked out by ghosts-- so he tried to change topic, “Isn’t that so cool? Pancake’s getting super close to getting their own Soul signature! Amazing! We’ll be able to CHECK the baby really soon at this rate! Are you excited?”  
  
  
His husband gave a grunt in response, obviously not listening as he started fidgeting away from Stretch’s fingers again. Was the green magic starting to get uncomfortable? That was a good thing, right? “You okay?”  
  
  
“Yeah,” Edge’s voice was a little strained, obviously trying very hard to stop fidgeting as his claws started to rip into the chair’s seams. “Her...” He barely managed to get out between gritted teeth, so yeah, that was definitely not okay.  
  
  
“Uh, Dyn-“ Stretch asked tentatively, attention flitting between the two of them before his hands felt _hot_. Suddenly, the ectomagic protecting Pancake felt almost unbearably warm, and the Souling’s glow _changed_.  
  
  
Well, Edge’s Soul changed a little, too, now that he was looking a little closer. His husband’s Soul hadn’t been visible beforehand, but it was out now… Was that a good or bad sign? It was still the usual white, the red, heart-shaped splotch in the middle was still the same size, and the LV displayed on it remained at a steady 8. There was a slight green glow around the Soul, which would have been perfectly normal... if that was actually Edge’s primary Soul trait. Yeah, okay, emotions weren’t rigid and Edge was a very KIND monster, but… it shouldn’t have been _that_ green.  
  
  
“Dyna. Undyne.” It was times like these Stretch really regretted not having lips with which to whistle with, tapping his foot loudly instead, “He’s _green_. Edge’s Soul Glow is _green_.”  
  
  
“Excellent!” Dyna sounded so excited, typing furiously and pulling a lot more knobs, “It should be any moment now! How’s Pancake looking?”  
  
  
“Uhhh,“ The soft, constant glow surrounding the Souling became increasingly physical, the faint glow almost coagulating into individual pixels of magic. The pixels began to collect and swirl around Souling, clumping together into odd-shaped cluster like an asteroid belt. No, it was more like Pancake was a little planet, drawing the green magic from Stretch’s fingers to their orbit like a ring. “A lot like the planet Cronus(1), actually. The green magic is orbiting around them in little pixel clumps. Growing clumpier by the second, actually. Is that good?”  
  
  
“Yes!” Dyna had her finger poised over a big blue button, the reflection of the screen giving her an almost manic appearance, “You’ll be hitting his limit any moment now!”  
  
  
“Okaaaaay,” He chanced a glance up at Edge’s Soul, which… which was now entirely green. Most monster’s Souls remained white outside of battle without specific status conditions affecting them. If a PREG status was going to impact his husband’s Soul like that, wasn’t it supposed to be on day one? Was this normal!?  “Uh, he’s like _super_ green now! How do I know-“  
  
  
Before Stretch could even finish his question, Pancake made it abundantly clear they had enough. He tore his hands off the ectomagic, tips of his fingers numb from the sudden backwash of magic. The pixels spun faster and faster before they just stopped, suspended in air like tiny green stars-- the glow around the Souling became searing enough it hurt to look at directly.  
  
  
Without warning, the pixels shot out in every direction. He didn’t have enough time to blink before he felt the magic hit him, latching onto his bones but bursting on contact with his clothes. It felt like it had hit him everywhere, even in his mouth and socket.  
  
  
Stretch looked down at his palms. There were only a few patches of white bone visible, the pixels slowly disappearing one by one as his body absorbed the magic. The underlying emotions of KINDNESS and POSITIVITY immediately seeped into his magic and Soul like a hug, putting a huge smile on his face and excitement in his voice.  
  
  
“Wow! Soulfetti! The last time this happened to me was in elementary school! It’s been a long time since elementary school, and I remember it was super fun!” Stretch looked up from his palms, still absently tracing the green that covered them almost like a glove, “Thank you for this great experience!”  
  
  
“...What?” Edge had no idea what Stretch was talking about, frowning at all the green on his husband’s face.  
  
  
“Ay, Papi…” Sighing deeply, he tilted Stretch’s skull up to face the overhead light, “You are _covered_ with them. You are a _frog_ , not even a Froggit-”  
  
  
“A frog?” His husband’s smile managed to get even wider, throwing his arms out as he emphatically proclaimed, “Yay! Frogs were awesome! Am I a cute one, like Kermit? He’s the **_best_** frog!”  
  
  
“Okay!” Undyne gave an excited whoop, taking a step back and dramatically pointing at the screen, “I’ve got your limit now! I just set up a bot that’s going to start crunching numbers! Allie made me this program!! It’s really helpful and helps speed up my work, so we’ll have your results in a jiffy!”  
  
  
Edge squinted at her, wondering at the strange shimmer in her hair- **_Oh no._** Some of the green pixels stuck to her fins disappeared as they were absorbed into her body, but there were still so many. Packed so tightly together on her fins it almost looked like she dyed them, and the labcoat only went down to her knees, so the back of her legs were also green. She kept talking animatedly, “Isn’t my girlfriend just the best? I love her so much! She’s so smart and talented and beautiful!”  
  
  
“Yeah! She’s great!” Stretch nodded so hard something in his skull rattled, “You’re smart and talented and beautiful, too!"  
  
  
“Ahh, you are too, Paps! Smart and talented and beautiful-”  
  
  
Edge looked between both monsters in growing confusion, not sure what to make of these very passionate and random declarations, “What’s _wrong_ with you two? Why are you yelling?”  
  
  
“It’s the Soulfetti!” Dyna told him cheerfully, giving a little twirl that had her tail smacking into the console. Although she immediately fussed over the machine, that broad smile made it hard to believe she regretted it. “Both you and Pancake had a lot more green magic than you needed! So you both released it at the same time! And there was a lot of it! So we’re just covered in it!”  
  
  
“Yeah! And Soulings are made of love, so Pancake’s Soulfetti is extra powerful! It’s just making us so excited and happy!” Stretch agreed enthusiastically, gesticulating a little wildly, “You know what Soulfetti is, right? It’s awesome Soul-magic emotion cannons!! It’s mostly a super little kid thing! Before they learn to control their emotions and magic!! Any extra magic a kid has, especially after napping or eating or whatever, just explodes outward! Boom!”  
  
  
“I know what happened,” Edge started to speak up, “I just didn’t know that name here-”  
  
  
“Yeah! And it sticks onto other monsters like freckles! And it only very slowly disappears cause your body absorbs it pixel by pixel!” Dyna came up next to Stretch, slinging a friendly arm over his shoulder, “This can last for hours! Maybe even days! And Soulfetti always reflects what the monster was feeling, or in this case, receiving!”  
  
  
“Which means ‘cause Pancake was in a good mood, were in a great one! And will be for a long, long time!” Stretch finished her exuberantly, arm resting on her other shoulder. They looked like those dumb posters back home trying to encourage cooperation and friendship-- silly and fake. “Isn’t that great, Babe?!”  
  
  
“Wonderful,” Edge sighed, feeling drained and tired. His body didn’t _need_ extra green magic to function, he reminded himself, forcing himself to sit up straighter. “Are we finished for today, doctor?”  
  
  
“Yes!” Dyna immediately shook her head, “I mean, no! Well! Kinda?” She tapped at her chin thoughtfully, tail wagging behind her, “This is _a lot_ of Soulfetti! _Almost_ too much! How do you feel? Was that too much? Do you think you can stand? Do you need some extra green magic?”  
  
  
Edge hesitated, not sure how to respond. It would be in Pancake’s best interest to be honest with her, especially since she had proven herself to be reliable, helpful, and kind. But the release of all that green magic left him feeling weak and drained. His Soul was sore and achy, like he had participated in a particularly long and arduous battle. Edge didn’t feel like he could defend Pancake like this, his energy levels too low to give him the necessary agility and reflexes.  
  
  
He didn’t think she had done this procedure deliberately… But it did give her a significant advantage, since she was energized with all that green magic. But this was _Undyne._ Not his Undyne, but they still had the same green Soul and morals, the same jagged smile and she would never… But she did. _She did._ He could trust her with his own life, but not Stretch and never Pancake. His husband could defend himself, but the Souling... Red had always warned him that Doctors were particularly depraved. They were willing to feign helplessness and kindness until… until...  
  
  
“Yes, I’m fine,” Edge lied easily, swallowing down the guilt and choosing the safest course of action. He pushed himself out of the chair, trying to ignore the sudden pixellation of his vision and the locking up of his joints. “I can handle it.”   
  
  
“Wow!” Dyna looked impressed, eyes wide and mouth agape, “That’s super impressive! And kind of alarming! You probably shouldn’t be able to do that! You should be exhausted, on the verge of passing out!”  
  
  
“You’re not pushing yourself too hard, are you, Edge?” Stretch crossed his hands over his chest, giving that judgemental-disappointed look that never failed to make him feel bad. Except his husband was still too energized and unable to stand still enough for it to work well, rambling on, “Maybe you should lie down? Take a nap? Eat a cookie? Eat something more substantial? Do you want takeout? Allie keeps a juicer here too, right, to make her nasty shakes? Those are good for you!”  
  
  
“That’s a great idea!” Dyna hopped up and down in place frantically, waving her hands with nervous energy, “I have a cot for when I have to run late night diagnostics and stuff, and like, four yoga mats we could pile up on each other to make it extra comfy! Those are Allie’s, too! And yeah, we could make juices! They’re great even _with_ kale! Just do what I do-- slurp them down so fast you don’t even taste it! Everything Allie makes is great-!”  
  
  
Ugh, Edge couldn’t handle this anymore. He needed backup. Allowing himself to be pushed back into the chair, he pulled his phone out of the pocket and held it behind his back. They were still arguing about vegetables and fruits, so he started tapping on the screen blindly. Find the center button, hit it once, raise the thumb just a little bit and swipe right. He should have had his phone on silent, tensing at the very faint ‘click’ of his lockscreen fading away. Stretch and Dyna were none the wiser, now yelling out strange fruit names, but that was still dangerously careless. Now, Contacts was directly above the home circle, on the right side… Favorites was inward from the left edge of the phone case, just above the notch from when Stretch dropped it in the park.  
  
  
“Is there anything else you needed to tell me?” Edge asked agreeably, thumb still moving silently behind his back.  
  
  
“Oh my goodness, yes!” Dyna _literally_ jumped on the topic change, tripping over her tail and nearly crashing into him with the force of her excitement. Fortunately, his husband still had the presence of mind to ‘catch’ her, staggering backwards as she flailed her arms overdramatically. “There’s so much to say, I don’t even know where to begin!”  
  
  
They both looked ridiculous, like they were one more sudden move about to fall over, but at least they were keeping each other entertained. As much as it pained him to admit it, Edge knew he wouldn’t be able to dodge or defend himself (and Pancake) like this. Which was why he was wondering what was taking Red so long. He had called him, hadn’t he? Someone had picked up, right?  
  
  
“This was, like, waaaaay over the Souling’s green magic needs for this session!” Undyne expanded her arms too wide, nearly knocking herself over again. She was _so dumb_ and _excited ,_ it made his Soul ache. “See, we usually do this test to let the Souling and parents experiment with their magic! Figure out their limits, the best way to go about giving and receiving green magic, all that important stuff! But! Not for you guys!”  
  
  
“Because we’re special?” Stretch asked sweetly, trying to bat his eyelashes but stymied in his attempt by the lack of eyelids.  
  
  
“You are very special and I love you!” Undyne agreed enthusiastically, trapping Stretch in a hug that had his spine creaking. She ‘pet’ his skull with her knuckles, heedless of her best friend’s loud protests, “In your case, you both need to absolutely be using the Green Magic Pager and PICPE Tracker apps on your PregHUD! They’ll let you know magic needs by like, sending you little physical and sound-based alerts when it’s time, but check them everyday in the morning and then at night, too, ok?”  
  
  
“Ok,” Edge answered absently, final giving in and bringing the phone back into his lap. _Blue_. The seconds ticked on under his name, which meant his brother-in-law had answered and remained on the line this entire time. At least his instincts were as good as Red’s, and knowing his brother, he was listening quietly, too.  
  
  
Dyna didn’t notice at all, still half-wrestling with Stretch, “And this probably went over the Souling’s green magic needs for like, the next few sessions! So Pancake won’t need any at all for a few days. And this is going to officially kick off your PICPE, too, so don’t be alarmed as your palate changes. It’s going to be pretty extreme, so just use the app for every meal, and snack for the the next two days.”  
  
  
“Yes, doctor,” With a soft sigh, Edge brought the phone against his skull, “Did you hear all of that?”  
  
  
“Of course I did!” In a remarkable feat of strength fueled by righteous indignation, Stretch not only managed to break Undyne’s hold, but he hoisted her over his head, too. It was _actually_ kind of impressive. “As your loving husband and Pancake’s loving Papa, it’s very, very important to me you’re both healthy! And happy, of course! And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it stays that way! So of course I’m listening attentively, and I should be taking notes!! Why aren’t I taking notes?! Dyna, I need a notepad-”  
  
  
Edge was only half-listening, watching impassively as Undyne started saying something and twisting towards the desk, nearly knocking both of them over as her tail smacked into Stretch’s back again.  
  
  
 _“Yer gettin’ real_ ** _descuidado_** _, bro,”_ Red told him pleasantly, an angry edge to his voice that had Edge cringing instinctively, _“Ya been practicin’? Yer_ ** _CariAño’s_** _up ‘n yer gettin’ too soft-”  
  
  
_ “Where are you?” Edge abruptly changed the subject, well-aware trying to argue his case was just going to make things worse later, “I need you _here._ ”  
  
  
“Huh?” Stretch cut himself off from whatever he was saying, whipping his head hard enough his vertebra cracked, “What’s wrong, Babe?” He was immediately by his husband’s side, taking his hand with tangible worry, “I’m right here-”  
  
  
Edge shifted the phone to his other hand, trying to shake Stretch off to no avail. Of course, his husband was only proactive and stubborn when it was inconvenient and for all the wrong reasons.   
  
  
“I’m here for you, too!” Before he could tell Stretch off, Dyna was crowding in on his other side, putting her hand over his in a soothing gesture. Edge just felt trapped and unhappy, and if they didn't let go in the next two seconds, he was going to smash their heads together.  
  
  
 _“We’re at the bottom of the ladder,”_ Blue finally spoke up from the phone line, _“And we’ll be up in a minute-"_  
  
  
Two seconds too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Chronus is the Underswap equivalent of Saturn. Since Saturn, the Roman god of agriculture, is based on the Greek god Cronus, father of Zeus and leader of the Titans, it only seems fair to reverse it in this universe. ;)  
> 2) Soulfetti is the buildup of magic in the Soul that is then projected outward. It can be for any magic type and emotion, clinging to any other monster's body like glitter. As its absorbed by the body, it infuses the soulfettied with the base emotion that influences their mood. Since green magic is associated with Kindness and increases HP, monsters with green Soulfetti on their bodies typically act overly helpful and hyperactive. Soulfetti is a result of an inability to properly regulate magic, either through illness or inexperience, so its really only a thing children, those who are close to falling down, and certain other magic conditions do.
> 
> I think those were the only ones, but I'll add onto this later if I can think of anything! if you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out! <3

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you so very much for the love you show the RVR! :D I really appreciate your feedback, and am so grateful for your kudos and comments!!!
> 
> Red Velvet Reel has a [tumblr](https://redvelvetreel.tumblr.com/) now! Come and learn some fun background trivia and sneak peeks at future installments! ;)


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